Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
