it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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