He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
