turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize