my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
