Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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