We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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