So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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