spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
