I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
