Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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