he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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