i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Bring me that man meat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
