I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
