can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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