I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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