the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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