So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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