took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
