bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
