I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
