wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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