Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
