I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
