On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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