Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
