she was so not down for the gang bang
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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