I wish I only lived at night.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
