I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
