Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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