alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
