I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize