its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
