He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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