Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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