Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
