i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i came on her dog
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
