Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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