i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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