I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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