you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
