last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
