i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
