just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
