I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
