Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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