Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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