I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love having hate sex.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
