I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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