I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize