your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.