I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.