God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
