i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
