Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
