I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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