I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
