With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
