I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
