I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
