Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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