My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
