i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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