no, he came in my armpit
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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