LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
