My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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